My life has changed forever! How many times have I heard this? But with every wink of my eye my life changes forever. Every action I take in my life or for whatever action happens to me or mine, affects me personally, and means that my life changed forever. So why should I care?



Some things that happen to me are under my control. The things that effect me every day of my life, such as getting up in the morning, and all those things that I interact with during every day of my life, changes my life and changes me. These are things I have some control over. Even so, as I interact with myself, I realize my life has changed forever with every interaction even with myself. Is it meant to be this way?



Whenever someone interacts with me, things become more complex in that while my life changes forever-so do theirs. Is this a reason to limit interaction? A question, perhaps for another time.



So how much control or influence do I have over my life? Is my eventuality the result of a constant shift of the desert sands? I would like think I have more control than that. Things happen to me and I make things happen to me. That I am sure of. My actions, or people I interact with will change my life and both of our lives forever and where or when I decide it is in my best interest or others best interest makes no difference at all. It is the culmination of the action that I will remember that will change us or me. More than a wink of the eye or a millisecond but even those minute periods in time, however interrupted by circumstance, changes me forever.



This is not a revelation, rather a consent to introspection. But also I realize that what I do makes me who I am. Without getting too philosophical, the result may be my conscience; certainly my retribution .

So, what is a life changing event? Too me it is the next millisecond, my next key stroke, for after that - my life will have changed forever.

Church

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On a lighter note; Life is good to me. I'm on the verge of yet another adventure in life. Go back with me for a moment; I grew up somewhere along the way, enjoying a short career in the navy raising, or more to the truth, letting two children experience growing up in the navy on a caribean island and in rural america. Along the way, I fell in love with taking care of people as a physician assistant. I even tried my hand at farming, milking a cow or two and raising a few pigs. My family will remember great times on the farm but it really was a necessary transition for us that none us really miss.

I moved on with my one and only love of my life; becoming an "inn keepers husband" as Carol opened the Cottage-Lakemont-on -Seneca Bed and Breakfast in her parents cottage on Seneca Lake in upstate New York. I continued to enjoy my time as a physician assistant. A great adventure for us and for me in particular because I fell in love with the cottage on our first date never imagining that one day the cottage would be our home.

Now, onto yet another adventure. Not sure what is in front of me. Not really sure what I want. Happy in knowing it's time to move on. We are selling the cottage, having bought a house in Florida.

Retired yet again. It means that I will seek another adventure down the road. I'm looking forward to it. I don't look back and I know I can never go back so I relish the memories of previous times and can't wait to make more.

Reflections of war then and now

Where am I? Flash back. Not sure why. Vietnam. Tet, 1968. : Full of ambition and righteousness. My time to prove them wrong. Who? My brother; The protesters; My family; The world. Can I make a difference? I will be between the war and the other thing. Never named; this other thing. I will be with a group to win the "hearts and minds" of the the people. Sound familiar? Afghanistan 2010, Kandahar; my brother soldiers in arms; faced with the same unattainable task. No more, no less. All of their marble tombstones should say " Killed while winning the hearts and minds of the (fill in the blank) people". Why can't we learn from our mistakes?

Selfishness: I was gone for a year, as were you; I gave the most important year of my sons' life for this as you did. A year never recaptured. A void in our relationship that exists to this day. I can't speak further of this. You who have served know what I feel. What I missed. What my son missed. What you missed. What your child missed. What I came back to. What you came back to. There is no remedy for this; no restitution for this..ever. It is what we gave and never expected repayment for. Our loss and our children's loss is what makes us special, very special.

Our task, our job... all of us knowing that it may not work or will not work; me in Vietnam, and you my enthusiastic young soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, like me, showing the world daily through CNN and FOX that we can make a difference. Not aware that a thousand years of culture and religion is bigger than a splash in the pan that we represent.

We Americans think in terms of 1492, 1776, etc. Whereby our enemies of today and yesterday think in much different time frames. One hundred years is not a time frame for Islamic people. One hundred years is just that. There is no timetable for them. Their time and purpose is ubiquitous, Whereas we Americans grow weary of anything that takes longer than it takes to cook a hamburger. That is our weakness! Why can't we see that? History for the United States is a short war for independence; 1774 through 1775. The Mexican American war of 1845 -1846. A horrendous civil war from 1861 -1865 followed by short wars for years and years, even through WWII, the Korean war, and Vietnam. Definitive even if in loss, our wars have been short. We have no stomach for the long haul. No interest if it takes longer than a slow news day. That is our weakness.

A Physician Assistant's work is never really done.

Well, here I am. It's Sunday, and I have just finished two wonderfull days seeing patients in my office. Yesterday was the usual lumps, bumps, colds, fevers, and the worried sick that I am blessed seeing in the office instead of my patients having to resort to the emergency room. Today started off with a eldery walk in with a large laceration to her leg who didn't want to go to the ER. Since I didn't have an appointment scheduled, I scrounged up the necessary equiptment and closed her up with 7 sutures and updated her tetnus, and she will be none the worse for wear in two weeks.

Most interesting patient today was an eldery nun with abdominal pain who after a CT of the abd was diagnosed with both gall bladder disease and acute diverticulitis with abscess. Had to counsel her not to drink any booze while on the medication for her infection.

I will truly miss this work, but at age 69 I want to retire to Florida where I have bought a house. I am applying for a Florida license so just maybe...